Are you awake in there? Are you alive?
I just had the weirdest dream I was back
In Arkansas, scared. Then I opened my eyes

The cat’s butt in front of my nose, flick-flick
Flicking his tail, it makes me bite-sniff-sniff.
He pretends it doesn’t bother him, he likes it
Until you tell me to stop. Oh, yeah, snap-hiss
Why am I always the one in trouble?

No, I don’t really want that treat. Why are you
Taking pills that aren’t mixed in with cheese?
Did you know there’s a fox out there? There is.
I’m gonna-git-‘em and slash’im, may I please?
When I hop like this you laugh. You’re easy.

Cat: you had it coming. She’s gone, she left!
To her office, that special place with the carpet,
Where I do yoga and behave like a lady. I do.
I’ve got dibs on the guest bed, so what, so what
Are you gonna do about it? I like the pillows.

Shit, she’s home early she’s home
Get the door, somebody get the door,
I didn’t rearrange the pillows, Mom,
It was all him, it was that cat! I know
I’m not allowed on the guest bed. No,
Don’t look in there. I’m jumping! I’m
Snoopy! Look-at-me! Did you miss me?

Why do you keep throwing that? Oh,
You want to run after it. I see. So I’ll go
Over here in the opposite direction. Oh,
You want me to get it? It’s not an apple.
I already got the old apple you threw.
Who eats tennis balls? Okay. I’m a girl,
A good girl. I am, I’m a good girl.

Pay no attention to my poop-breath.
That’s from earlier. I’m going through
A self-loathing phase, what-the-heck
The cat made me do it. Yes, I ate poo.
Why? I’m having post-poo-snack regret.
I think that’s enough of a punishment,
Don’t you?